I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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