Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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