What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
