I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
