Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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