I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
