btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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