you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
