I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
