it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
