dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
