K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
