I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
