i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
