I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
