coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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