He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
