You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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