he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
