I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
