i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
