did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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