So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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