I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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