So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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