She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
