in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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