Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
