I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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