You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
