I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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