these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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