You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
