I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
