Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
His hands were made for my vagina.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
