My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
