It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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