Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
