It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
