every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
