I cockslap morals
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
