I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
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