my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
