So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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