Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
