Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
