she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
