too bad you live with your parents still
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
