either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
