Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
